Image by Chris F
I find myself in a bit of an unusual position as I delve into this topic. The ideas surrounding this form of self-improvement have often struck me as cheesy and uncomfortable. However, as I’ve matured over the years, my perspective has shifted, leading me to a profound realization: happiness stands as the single most overlooked aspect of my personal development journey. I admit, I’m a bit hesitant to explore the realm of self-improvement in my writing. It’s not that I lack knowledge—I’ve delved into everything from Napoleon Hill to Tim Ferris, devouring hundreds of books on the subject. However, I’m not exactly the stereotypical ‘self-help guru.’ I don’t rise at 4 am, run 10 miles, meditate for 30 minutes, and then consume a bio-hacked breakfast. I’ve attempted that lifestyle before, but it simply doesn’t align with who I am. My approach is decidedly more moderate. Having said that, I’ll begin by sharing what I consider to be the most valuable insights from my own experiences.
It’s easy to forget that the pursuit of happiness is something we have to constantly work at. If we neglect it for too long we can slide into a spiral of negativity. Sometimes the change is so subtle we don’t even realize it’s happening until our emotions surface or someone points it out to us. The desire for true happiness is a common theme for humanity, but understanding how to cultivate and sustain it remains a challenge for many, including myself. Fortunately, there are numerous practical approaches, insights, and lifestyle changes that can contribute to nurturing our well-being.
Mindfulness, in the context of self-awareness, is often associated with meditation. This can be a powerful tool that can bring real benefits to our daily lives. I honestly think that learning this practice can bring relief from a host of psychological disorders. By practicing mindfulness, you can obtain a heightened awareness of the present moment, enabling you to better manage stress, anxiety, and negative thoughts. Exercises like focused breathing or mindful walking can gradually train the mind to stay present, fostering a sense of calm and contentment. It took me a while to take mindfulness seriously. I was in my 30’s when I read “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and it was a serious game changer. Granted I have to take a lot of what he says with a grain of salt, but the techniques and the ideas work. You should also understand that this is not as easy as it sounds. It takes time, discipline and repetition.
Cultivating gratitude is another somewhat surprising path to happiness. Taking time each day to acknowledge and appreciate the positive aspects of our lives can have a similar effect on our mental well-being. We can do this through interactions with friends and family or as part of our daily meditation by reflecting on what we are grateful for. This practice helps us appreciate what we already have. This one is still really hard for me. I think clawing my way up from the bottom has jaded my sense of what being grateful means. Like so many other things though, this is something I’m working on because I can see the value in it.
Human beings are generally social creatures, and meaningful relationships play a crucial role in our happiness. Spending quality time with friends and family, or contributing to our community can increase our happiness by improving our feeling of belonging. As an introvert I have some difficulty with making and keeping friends, so I have relatively few really good friends. I still find joy in the creation and participation in large gatherings of familiar people. There is something about surrounding myself with positive interactions that creates a feeling of peace and satisfaction. I usually do this by feeding people. I invite them over for a barbecue, and watch them mingle and create new connections. I also recommend Meetup groups if you are single and have free time.
Another way to stay happy is by keeping engaged in challenging and inspiring activities. For me hiking is a big part of this. There is something about spending all day in the wilderness, the freedom, the independence, that keeps me mellow. The sense of accomplishment and boost to self esteem doesn’t hurt either. My other common go-to activity is video games. There is something about immersion in a sprawling fantasy world that triggers my sense of wonder and creativity.
I believe physical health and mental well-being are thoroughly linked. Exercise, diet and sleep all combine to affect our mood and mental resilience. Engaging in physical activity releases “feel-good” hormones, and a healthy diet and proper rest contribute to a more balanced and energized state of mind. It’s been my experience that you don’t have to be a crazy work out nut to gain some substantial positive effects. A short 20-minute walk outside is enough to settle my thoughts in most cases. Controlling your diet can be tough, it takes time and money to eat well in most cases and it’s easy to cut corners and eat poor quality food. Sleep can also be challenging for some people. I used to be a terrible insomniac, only sleeping 4 or 5 hours a night. There are so many issues that contribute to poor sleeping, it’s hard to narrow down what one particular person’s issues are, and not every cure works the same for everybody. My issues were mainly a combination of future anxiety and back problems. It eventually took a combination of meditation, melatonin, a chiropractor and a tempurpedic mattress to get me mostly sorted out.
Success in happiness is a combination of a variety of factors. These factors are different for everybody. The first step is understanding that there are tried and true changes that can affect your well-being in a positive manner. By incorporating these elements into our daily lives, we can incrementally improve day by day. Learn to not look at happiness as something transient like a drug induced-high. It is a state of mind and being that can be cultivated and sustained. Start small, be patient and stick with a plan. The journey may be difficult at first, but it gets easier and I guarantee it’s worth it.
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