Driving

Photo by Tomáš Malík

There is a book called “Outliers” by Malcom Gladwell that talks about the qualities that distinguish some of the most successful people. One of the statistical properties they tend to have in common  is more than 10,000 hours of time devoted to a particular skill set at a relatively young age. This gives them a huge advantage compared to their competitors. When I apply the 10,000 hour concept to myself I only have 2 skills that fall into that category; air traffic control, and driving. Air traffic because that has been my career and I have over 20 years of experience, and driving because I figure 500,000 gets me there, even at an average pace of 40 mph which I will take since most of my miles are highway miles.

I think a lot of people would say that driving does not count because once you get to a certain point you don’t really get better because you don’t push yourself to improve, unless you are a race car driver. In my opinion, however, almost ten years as a pizza delivery driver counts as striving for improvement. There are so many little tricks and techniques you learn when your income depends on the  speed of your delivery, I could probably write a book about it. Most of these tricks are ones that everyone eventually picks up on like cutting through the gas station parking lot to avoid a backed up turn signal, using back roads instead of the main drag on a busy day, taking a turn from the outside lane so you can corner quicker or timing a cold red light by looking at the side lights so you can hit the intersection at speed instead of coming to a complete stop. These and many other less than legal techniques just sort of come naturally after driving in the same area for many years.

You may be  thinking that my income can’t possibly depend on the speed of delivery. Well, look at it from the customer’s perspective.Very few people care that the store is backed up or a driver called out sick, and they are somehow surprised and disappointed when they order 10 large pizzas on a Saturday night and the manager says it will take 2 hours. Or worse the manager says it will take 40 minutes when it will actually take 2 hours. You personally may be pretty mellow about it, but for most people, when that pizza arrives an hour late and it is cold and congealed, it’s the driver’s fault and they will most likely withhold a tip. I have found that just a little extra speed is conducive to increasing the likelihood of getting the order to the customer before they reach the tipping point of rage and your tip goes from 5 dollars to non-existent. Customers get hangry and take it out on the drivers because that’s who they interact with. Anyway, I could go on but I will just complete this rant by cautioning fellow drivers and mentioning that obeying the traffic rules will statistically lead to a less stressful and longer career.

On to the good stuff. One of the more useful things I picked up from delivery driving is the way of the traffic light. I explained this piece of circular enlightenment to an audience when I interviewed for a 9-1-1 dispatcher job after being asked to explain how I used prioritization in my previous job. They were probably expecting me to talk about air traffic control because they knew that’s where I was coming from in the military. That would have been way too easy. So I explained how when I leave the store with six deliveries I take a good look at the map (yes this was before everyone had a smartphone), and plan out my route using a right circular pattern. Of course the known largest tipping customer is first unless they are too far out of the way(prioritization), and then the rest of the deliveries will be completed by sequential right turns that eventually take me back to the store. There are a lot more variables but you get the gist. The fact is that a left turn can take up to 3 minutes at any given traffic light, 4 left turns could put you 12 minutes behind and that’s assuming you don’t have to wait through several revolutions of that particular light. You gotta love the Southern California summer traffic. Most right turns only take 10-30 seconds. When I explained this to my interviewers, the dispatch manager, fire chief and police chief were slack jawed as if in  appreciation of an almost spiritual revalation, or they just thought I was nuts. We can’t all just go code 3 and run the red lights while everyone moves out of the way. I guess they enjoyed my sermon though, because I got the job even though I couldn’t type very fast. So yeah, common sense for most delivery drivers, but not something other people think about. It’s become a habit at this point, I still use it when I’m running errands. 

These days most of my driving is on the highway, about seventy miles a day on the I-5 between San Clemente and Carlsbad, California. For those of you that have driven in this area you know that there is an 18 mile stretch through Camp Pendleton that is a virtual American Autobahn. I generally set my cruise at 85 in the morning on the way to work and I routinely get passed like I’m standing still. I’m no stranger to the old triple digit road slalom, but it’s not something I recommend. I know it can be fun and you feel like you’re saving time, but the fact is, it creates unnecessary danger for you and everyone around you. As an older family man I am not nearly as comfortable driving fast anymore, I’m even less comfortable with other morons trying to drive fast around me. I suppose part of me realizes that I’m reaping the karma from formerly being the biggest a-hole on the road. 

For the kids out there who are still in a hurry for no reason or just have an untamable competitive driving habit, here are some things to think about. Number one, if you get caught by the cops going fast enough, they can take your license, impound your car and send you to jail. Yup, just for speeding. Number two your tires are probably not meant to hold up at 120+ mph swerving back and forth across the hot pavement. I had a sports car once with tires rated for 140 mph. The tires cost 500 bucks a piece and wore out after 30,000 miles because I drove like an idiot. If you are young and stupid like most normal inexperienced drivers, chances are you can’t afford nice tires. Just envision to yourself what will happen when the tires on your 2008 Altima, that already have 80,000 miles on them, give out on you. Point number three is that when you have a blow out and lose control of your car or some other misfortune causes you to careen into the median or a semi truck at 100+ mph, you are probably going to die, or worse really wish you had. Yes, I would quite rather be dead than be that poor guy in the iconic Metallica music video “One”, thank you very much.

Another ethical chain of thought you might want to consider are the other drivers on the road. How bad would you feel if you were responsible for the death of a minivan full of kids because you just had to get home three minutes and twenty-five seconds sooner? I’m not saying you can’t drive relatively fast and be relatively safe, you just need to read the road so to speak. This goes for slow pokes as well. If you are driving 45 in the middle lane when the average traffic is going 70, you are now the obstacle and creating a danger to those around you. Please pull over to the side of the road and stop your car when you look at directions on your phone. Even better, wait until the next exit and get off and look at your phone in a parking lot. It’s a pain to get back up to highway speed and merge from the break-down lane.

Do you ever think about the psychology of other drivers or what sorts of things are statistically dangerous? I remember being a kid seeing all kinds of propaganda on how to be a safe driver. Remember the red asphalt videos? Do they still have those? After I became an adult those reminders seem to fade into the background. You would still see the occasional TV ad that warned about drinking and driving or the radio would reiterate the dangers of talking on your cell phone. I don’t know about you but I don’t watch TV with ads anymore and I am generally listening to Audible or Amazon Music when I drive, so again no reminders. Well there is the occasional accident on the side of the road that may serve as a wake up call, but how many of us drift into complacency more and more every day? Let me help you out by describing some signs that indicate you may be casually disregarding the significance of your life, the lives of your passengers and the other drivers around you.

Do you change lanes more than once every ten minutes? Lane changes are one of the leading causes of accidents in California. Try to pick a lane and stay there for the majority of your drive, even if it’s the fast lane. If people start passing on your right you might want to think about changing lanes so that you are not the obstruction. Do you ride in peoples’ blind spots? This means just sitting in the four or eight o’clock position of another vehicle where they can’t see you and matching their speed with no intent to pass. This always feels like an aggressive move to me. I feel like that person must know what they are doing and they are messing with me. It makes my hackles rise because I have seen how it plays out. Imagine you are so out of touch with your situational awareness that you are riding in the blind spot of someone who likes to change lanes every two minutes. Now your safety is dependent on that lane changer noticing that you are there. Combine that with how many people seem to slow down when they are changing lanes and the odds against you just pile up. Do you like to tailgate people to let them know they are slow and should move out of your way? Hmm, reflexes like a jedi, you must have. Plus when they brake check you and you rear end that slow poke, you are 100% at fault and up go your insurance rates. If you ride a motorcycle and you do dumb stuff you should understand that you are like 30 times more likely to come out of every bad situation worse than me, so good luck.

That all being said, I do tend to drive more aggressively than most people, though I tend to avoid all the above situations out of courtesy to my fellow drivers. I do not own a motorcycle. For you passive unaware drivers I also have some advice. The fast lane is not for long distance, it is for speed. Just because you have a 200 mile drive does not mean you should stay in the far left lane if you are diving 10 mph slower than everyone else. Forcing everyone to pass on the right is not cool. Also, if you suddenly decide you want to drive 67 mph and pass that car in front of you doing 65, you should look in your rear view mirror first and not cut off the car doing 90. Forcing someone to slam on their bakes just because you can is also not cool. Doing it because you did not even look for them is even worse. There will unfortunately always be those drivers out there that are blissfully unconcerned about the world around them and remain in their unbothered little world oblivious to the anger and discontent they may cause. They sadly do not realize how many mentally unstable people carry firearms in their vehicle and have nothing to lose.

So this post went longer than expected and definitely went away from the typical subjects I cling to. I expect to be doing this more often since it is easy and seems to satisfy some deep seeded need that I have. For that reason I will start a category called the Ravings of Mad Mike to segregate these rants from the more useful subjects. Please take everything I say in these rants with a grain of salt. These are my slightly biased, almost completely unresearched opinions and should not significantly affect how you live your life.