travel – The Upgrade Blog

The Alternator is Always Broken

Image by Mike ‘The Eclipse’

I can’t remember if I’ve done one of these before, so here I go (again?). I have owned, rented, and leased a good variety of vehicles over my life, and I have a lot of opinions about them as a result. At different stages of my life, I have purchased for looks, engine size, and practicality. The experience is more than just driving the car; the negotiation, repairs, and drama involved in purchasing and maintaining a vehicle have contributed to some of the most emotional moments of my life. Perhaps my advice can help some of you keep from making the same mistakes.

My first car was a 1988 Buick Skylark I bought for $3,200 at a used car lot in Yuma, Arizona. It was an “old lady beige” color and had a transverse V6 engine. I bought it because one of my friend’s parents had the same car when I was a kid, and it felt nostalgic. It was 1997, and I didn’t know how to haggle or have any credit to speak of, so I took what they gave me and had my first car payment at an outrageous interest rate. I was a Marine who delivered pizza in the evenings, so I drove the hell out of that car. After 100k miles, it broke down a lot. I was in the hobby shop on base almost every other weekend fixing something on it.

It was durable, though. I was T-boned at an intersection in San Diego and was able to drive the three hours back to Yuma after pulling the fender off the wheel, even though the insurance company said it was totaled. The guy who hit me had a little Honda Civic and did not drive away. His insurance company was kind enough to give me $3,700 for the car, which was nice since it was almost paid off and the payout was more than I had paid for the car. In retrospect, it was probably a thank-you for not claiming any injury. I was working nights at Little Caesar’s, and my boss’s husband was a mechanic and auto body repair guy. For $700, he fixed my alignment, replaced the front quarter panel, repaired the cracked bumper, and repainted the car a sparkling cobalt blue. I paid the car off and had over a thousand extra in my pocket. I drove it for another two years before giving it to my future mother-in-law at the time in San Diego. She drove it for another four years before she passed away, and I eventually donated it to a charity I don’t remember.

In my quest to find a car that wouldn’t break down every other week, I decided I would get something brand new. I was a Corporal in the Marines making the big bucks, still in Yuma. After several frustrating encounters with car dealers, I settled on a 1999 Hyundai Accent on sale at the end of the year for $8,900. I found eBay that year and sold off my childhood toy collection, which paid for a good chunk of it. It still seemed expensive to me for what it was, but it was probably the most dependable car I ever owned. I delivered pizza with that car almost thirty hours a week for the next five years. I commuted every weekend from Yuma to San Diego to see my girlfriend for almost a year until I was assigned to MCAS Camp Pendleton. I was able to pack everything I owned into that little car, and it still made it over the mountains. I made a few cross-country trips in it, including going to Maine and back, and then to Iowa and back. We got a flat tire just outside of Spokane, Washington, on the way back, and I think that was the only thing that ever went wrong with it until the transmission broke just after 120,000 miles. When they told me what it would cost to replace the transmission, I gave it away to the mechanic for $300 and had my first midlife crisis.

I was working as a 911 dispatcher, which was only a couple of blocks from my house, so I didn’t really need a car. My wife at the time had just bought a new Dodge Magnum and decided that the money in savings was going toward her Lasik procedure. I tried to be understanding, but underneath I was brooding and angry. There were a variety of other issues going on, but that’s not what this post is about, so moving along. After weeks of walking and biking everywhere, something broke, and I decided I needed and deserved a new car. I was doing the eBay thing at the time because it’s hard to deliver pizza when you’re a dispatcher and don’t have a car. Our spare bedroom in our little two-bedroom condo was full of books, and I decided to liquidate them so I could buy a car. This made my wife happy, but I was in a downward spiral, auctioning off my collection for pennies on the dollar.

Shopping for the car was a hassle since I had to bike everywhere, and no one takes you seriously at a car dealership when you arrive on a bicycle. I never had a good relationship with car salesmen, but my dislike intensified greatly that summer. I finally found an internet sales representative at a Mitsubishi dealer. He let me custom order the Eclipse that I wanted: a sunburst orange, hardtop Spyder with an automatic transmission and ground effects package. It had a 3.8-liter V6 engine, sport-tuned suspension, and wide, high-speed-rated Pilot tires. It had orange leather seats and an awesome sound system with a subwoofer in the back. It took seven weeks to arrive and cost $36k. Worth every penny.

Perhaps not entirely coincidentally, I filed for divorce about six months after buying that car, and what followed were the greatest five years of my life. I visited so many national parks in that car, including Sequoia, Yosemite, Zion, Rocky Mountain, Great Smoky Mountains, and even Acadia. It was fast, comfortable, and relatively reliable. I never delivered pizza in that car, and I washed it every week. When the transmission started slipping at 120k miles, I traded it for a Hyundai Veloster, and it feels like my happiness never recovered.

The Veloster was an adequate vehicle. Hyundai was easy to work with compared to other car dealers, and I was able to complete the trade in about 90 minutes. However, the Veloster was underpowered and underwhelming compared to the Eclipse. This brings up an important point regarding car models and their packages: I rented a low-end Eclipse on a trip to Denver one time, and it was such a piece of crap it made the Veloster seem like a high-end vehicle in comparison. It’s something to keep in mind when you see two of what appear to be the same car with a $20k difference in the price tag. You get what you pay for.

The Veloster had all the bells and whistles, and everything worked well, aside from a couple of annoying features. If the car was wet and you opened the hatchback, the water would run right down into the car. The back seat was so small that someone over 5’10” would need to lean forward so their head didn’t hit the top of the hatchback. The transmission would buck if you slowed down for a stoplight and then tried to accelerate right before the car stopped. It was so bad I took the car in twice thinking something was wrong. The mechanics assured me that it “was just how the car was.” There were no major issues, but I traded it in at 120k miles for a Nissan Maxima because I wanted something with four doors for the kiddo and the car seat.

I have not had the best relationship with Nissan. The deal with the Maxima went fine, but back when I was looking—before I got the Eclipse—I had an issue. I thought my midlife crisis car was going to be a Nissan Z. I remember arriving at the dealer after an all-nighter; I worked 5 PM to 5 AM as a 911 dispatcher. I told them I wanted my payment to be under a certain amount. I had about $10k to put down (I hadn’t quite finished selling off all my eBay stuff yet) and excellent credit. I also knew they could accommodate me if they wanted to because my brother was a Toyota dealer at the time and was trying to get me to buy an ugly-ass Avalon.

The salesman kept me waiting for over 45 minutes—after I had already been there for about an hour browsing and test driving—and came back to me with a payment a hundred dollars a month more than I asked for. I told him it wasn’t going to work and began to walk off. He asked me to stop while he asked his manager if there was anything they could do. I waited around some more. Keep in mind, it was almost noon by now, I hadn’t slept since noon the day before, and I had to go to work in five hours. They came out almost 45 minutes later with an offer that was still 50 dollars more a month than I wanted. I was pissed. As I was walking away, trying not to explode into a physical altercation, they came running back out saying that the head manager could get me the deal I wanted with an even lower interest rate and two dollars a month less than what I was asking for. I would like to say that I politely declined and asked, “Where was that offer two hours ago?” but what I actually said was something more like, “Too late, fuck off and eat a bag of dicks.”

My second bad experience was after the Maxima purchase when I was looking into purchasing a Pathfinder my current wife was leasing from them. I had first looked into trading it for another new Pathfinder lease, but they were telling me they would only give me $16k when the car was worth over $20k. I thought, “Okay, I will just pay the $16k residual and keep it or sell it to someone else for $5k more.” Right from the start, there was resistance. The dealer told me I had to call the finance people, and the finance people told me I had to physically go to the dealer. It took almost a week of phone tag to work out, but they finally settled on me coming into the dealer to do the paperwork. As I was filling out the paperwork, one of the managers came up to the guy I was working with and said, “Oh, there is this new law in effect that says we have to charge you $1,000 for a post-lease inspection,” or some such nonsense. I was already pretty livid with the runaround I had dealt with all week, and this little tweak made me burn. The clerk I was working with looked embarrassed to be adding the extra fee to the paperwork, but I was making phone calls. I found a Nissan dealer 30 miles away that had never heard of this law, so I drove there and purchased the Pathfinder for $16k with no issues. I took the Pathfinder to CarMax where they valued it at $24k, then I went to Jeep, where they paid off my $16k loan and gave me $8k toward a new Jeep Grand Cherokee lease.

I purchased the Midnight Edition Nissan Maxima used with 12k miles for $22k. This was before the Pathfinder incident. The car ran well and had decent power. It was a lot easier to deal with the car seat than with the Veloster. There was an issue where my drivetrain (or something) was leaking before the warranty ran out. I took it to the dealer, and they fixed it with no issues and gave me a loaner while they did the work. However, around 120k miles, I was stranded in a parking lot because the car wouldn’t start. AAA came out, gave me a jump, and said it was just the battery. This was concerning since I knew the battery was only about six months old, but I didn’t worry about it until a week later when the car died again and left me stranded. AAA jumped me again, and I drove it to the place where I bought the battery—a mechanic I’d been using for years—and asked them to take a look at it. They did a full diagnostic and said the battery was dead, but they could find no other issues. They replaced the battery and sent me on my way. I was thinking alternator, everybody was thinking alternator, but the mechanic allegedly could not find anything wrong with it.

A week later, I was stranded again on the I-5 North in the no-man’s-land between Oceanside and San Clemente for three hours in the August heat. I had AAA tow me directly to the mechanic again and asked them to figure it out. The next day they said it was, in fact, the alternator and they could replace it for $1,500. I was already over the Maxima and appalled at the price. The place was under new management, and I should have made more noise, but I didn’t want the hassle of towing it all over town for another quote, and I couldn’t get a good trade-in for a car that wasn’t running. I paid the price and traded it in for a new Subaru Crosstrek a week later. I do not use that mechanic anymore.

The Subaru deal was the easiest car purchase I ever made. I bought a Sun Blaze Pearl (orange) Wilderness Edition thinking I was gonna be all outdoorsy. I came in with a CarMax valuation of my Maxima and told them I wanted a 3-year loan with less than 3 percent interest, $3,500 off the sticker price, and a trade-in price for the Maxima that was at least what CarMax offered. They came back with everything I asked for less than five minutes later. I know, I should have asked for more. They then sat me down with some kind of insurance salesperson who tried to sell me extra protection and features for everything. She seemed offended when I turned everything down. If I accepted even half of what she offered, it would have doubled my car payment! “What will you do,” she asked, “if you get a crack in your windshield and you have to pay $1,900 to replace it because of the sensitive cameras installed?” She didn’t really like my response, which was: “If my windshield is cracked so badly that I can’t see out the window and it can’t be patched, I will trade the car in for something else that does not have a useless camera in the window.” It turns out that this $1,900 camera does not even record video; it’s just a fancy motion sensor. After I politely told her I would not be purchasing any of the extra insurance policies and started openly questioning if I should purchase such a delicate vehicle, she finally let me go.

I should not have bought the Subaru. It is a perfectly adequate car in most ways, and I mostly got it because of the 5-star crash rating for my kiddo, thinking we would do some real backcountry camping trips. It turns out my son is not quite that adventurous. The car is heavy, and even though it is a four-cylinder, it gets worse gas mileage than my Maxima or Eclipse. My wife’s 4×4 Jeep Grand Cherokee gets better gas mileage. You cannot permanently disable the function that makes your car turn off at every light; you have to remember to push the button to turn it off every time you start the car. If you forget and end up in stop-and-go traffic—which is every day for me—the car will buck and kick because it can’t decide if it should shut off or not.

Furthermore, you can’t disable all of the collision and lane change alarms. Sometimes I like to open up and do the I-5 road slalom. There are so many alarms and bells going off it sounds like a McDonald’s kitchen at lunchtime. When I go up the hill close to my house, the “out of lane” alarm goes off every time even though I’m in the only lane available. I’ve had the collision alarm go off a few times when going to pass or change lanes, and it scared the crap out of me because I didn’t see anything, and it turns out nothing was there. When you go around corners and there are trees in the median, the front collision alarm goes off. If something heavy, or your dog, is in the passenger seat, the seat belt alarm goes off continuously until you buckle it.

Finally, when you use the proximity unlock on the driver’s door, it only unlocks the driver’s door. If you use it on the passenger door, it unlocks everything. This is an issue because at night when I open the driver’s door and try to unlock the other doors for passengers, there is no light on the door panel to show which button to push, so I have to get out my phone flashlight to look. As soon as you start the car, however, the door panel lights up so you can see the buttons. I have asked Subaru about this during every oil change, and they do not have a solution. My work around is to just unlock the car from the passenger side at night. It’s embarrassing.

I suppose I should touch on some cars that I’ve had tertiary experience with since they were technically purchased or leased in my name. My ex-wife’s first car was a 1997 Geo Metro. I think we bought it used for peanuts. It was dependable and got good gas mileage, and that’s about the best I can say for it. It was underpowered and tiny. You couldn’t drive too fast because of the fear for your life. It was kind of like being on a large skateboard. We gave it to my brother in 2006 when we got the Dodge Magnum. My brother drove it for years, even after it lost one of the cylinders and most of the normal electronics—including the hatchback and passenger door—stopped working. He sold it for $300 when he moved back to Maine in 2009. I remember seeing it a few years later being driven by someone else. I could tell it was the same car because of the huge scratch in the driver-side door where my wife had hit a pole in the ground. All of the paint was faded, so the car was more gray than black, but it was still running.

The Dodge Magnum was a nice-looking car with the oversized rims we had. It did not feel underpowered even though we only had the V6, and the turn radius was surprisingly good for its size. The rear visibility was terrible and caused at least one minor collision when my wife was backing out of a parking spot. Overall, it was a glorified, overpriced station wagon.

My current wife had a Mercury Mariner and a Nissan Pathfinder, neither of which I drove very much. I liked the Pathfinder more because it was newer and not falling apart like the Mercury. My current wife’s last two cars have been 4×4 Jeep Grand Cherokees. They were three-year leases. The first one barely saw 12,000 miles and left us stranded in the desert on the way to Las Vegas. It was no-shit 118 degrees out, and we were there for almost three hours with no water. Apparently, the fuel pump went out. Jeep roadside assistance was non-existent. After I finally figured out the website, they just sent me a text asking me to pay $647 before they sent someone out to the wrong location. I declined. Good thing I have AAA. The Jeep dealer in Las Vegas, where it was towed, did not offer apologies or a courtesy vehicle. Apparently, Jeep does not do courtesy vehicles. So we had to Uber all over Las Vegas all week while they fixed the truck. I would like to mention at this point that my experience with Hyundai and Mitsubishi roadside assistance was amazing, even better than AAA. This was twenty-plus years ago, though, and I know things change.

Our second Grand Cherokee is basically the same vehicle but newer. I would never have done Jeep again, but the wife insisted, and it was easy. I came in with a CarMax offer, and Jeep accepted it and gave me a decent lease without much haggling. Our second Jeep barely reached 3,000 miles when it left us stranded in the driveway. The battery was dead. I tried to jump it myself, but for some reason, it wouldn’t start even after charging for 40 minutes. I called AAA to take a look. They jumped it and it started—for about 90 seconds—and then it died. It would not start again. AAA said it looked like the car still thought it was “on,” so it just stayed frozen. No power meant we couldn’t put the car in neutral or release the e-brake. AAA had to drag it out of the driveway and spend 30 minutes getting it onto the ramp truck. Again, Jeep was not apologetic and said they did not have loaner vehicles. They replaced both batteries and told us to come pick it up. I can’t believe people take these pieces of junk off-roading into the middle of nowhere. We’ve barely had the vehicle a year; I can’t wait to see what adventures the next couple of years hold.

I know you’re probably thinking: “He talks about CarMax having reliable estimates for car values; why doesn’t he buy from there?” To put it simply, CarMax has a crappy selection of higher-mileage, ugly cars. I have walked around the lots for hours and scanned online. The cars are always slightly too old, the wrong version, or the wrong color. If CarMax could custom order me a new version of what I wanted, I would probably buy from them because otherwise, they seem pretty solid, and the experience there is so much better than a car dealership.This is my sage advice to anyone purchasing a vehicle in the modern age: Don’t. Get a job within walking distance of the neighborhood you love to live in, or work from home. If that is not feasible, then order online if you can, even if it costs a bit extra. Car dealerships and dealers are, by and large, terrible people and places. Avoid them for the sake of your sanity. Buy new if you can, unless you like fixing cars or know a friendly mechanic. Used cars come with unknown baggage. Ride a bike and save up. Get your maintenance done in a timely manner. If your engine seizes because you haven’t changed the oil in 30,000 miles, or you have a blowout on the highway because your tires are bald as shit, you have no one to blame but yourself. Get AAA; even new cars break. Get something you like that speaks to who you are. Driving around the “practical” car gets old fast. Don’t buy a Jeep, or any Chrysler product for that matter, if you can help it. Good luck.

What can we do for you?

Image by Michi S from Pixabay

When pilots tour an air traffic facility one of the most common questions is: What can we as pilots do to make the lives of air traffic controllers easier? We do appreciate the concern. As you can imagine, this particular topic is often discussed in detail when it’s just us controllers, but we tend to be a little more political when our customers are in the room. Yes, customers. Whether we like it or not, air traffic is a service industry. That certainly doesn’t mean that the customers are always right, because if they were, air traffic controllers would be out of a job. Here is my disclaimer before we get too far: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are my own and do not represent the official policies, positions, or opinions of the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) or any other governmental agency. I do not speak on behalf of the FAA, and any information provided is based on my personal experience and knowledge.

Air traffic controllers are aware of the stress that pilots face, many of my fellow controllers are pilots, some of them were even pilot instructors. That being said, when we’re on the spot and stressed out, we tend to have little tolerance for poor piloting. We generally don’t lash out directly unless we’re really at the end of our rope (which can happen several times on a bad day). On frequency you may notice a hardening of tone, a shortness that indicates we have a lot on our plate and the latest pilot error has just drastically increased our workload.

I think this reaction to stress is only human. After almost 30 years of stressful work, I still lose my temper sometimes. I think I’ve only raised my voice twice to my wife in 13 years. I get angry more often with my 8 year old son, but I’m even keeled enough where just a slight change in tone lets him know he messed up. I might say something like “I know jumping on the couch is fun, but it would be a shame if that resulted in the Playstation power cord being lost for the rest of the day.” But still, I have probably seriously raised my voice to him 3 times in the last 2 years, and he can really push my buttons. I get pissed off at a pilot almost everyday of the week, sometimes more than once a day. I generally don’t express it out loud in any way and it only lasts a few minutes, but in that moment I feel more disrespected than from anything my wife or kid has ever done. Part of this comes from the fact that most people are not risking lives or property when they mess up, so our expectations tend to be higher. Also keep in mind that I talk to hundreds of pilots every day, so from that perspective one or two isn’t bad.

It’s not that the pilot necessarily made some huge mistake or did something intentionally wrong, it’s the particular situation. Imagine you are already stressed out, at the end of your mental capacity trying to keep 12 other people happy and one person has to go and break the flow by slapping you in the face, or careening into the final or following the wrong airplane or circling in your departure corridor. Objectively, I get it, pilots are human and they make mistakes. Also, I work at a training airport and many of the pilots are either students, very inexperienced or the dreaded ‘weekend warriors’. The problem is, and this may be my age talking, I believe it’s getting worse.

There are a few common issues that I have seen an increase in over the past 18 years at my particular airport. Flight planning seems to be a big one. I don’t know if it’s the reliance on technology or a change in culture but more aircraft are coming to the airport with little to no idea where they are going. They have more trouble finding the airport than back in the day when they were just using VORs and TACANs. I’ve had a pilot try to get a landing clearance telling me that according to their IPad they were five miles south. We had them squawk ident and scrolled out the RADAR to find them almost 30 miles south in restricted military airspace.

There are more people coming off the runway onto the taxiway and not knowing which FBO (fixed base operator) they want to go to. They might want self-serve fuel and not know that they exited on the wrong side of the runway, They get clearance to county transient parking and end up turning into the restricted commuter ramp and never tell ground control they need progressive taxi instructions.

Yes, I am venting a little. I should mention that the vast majority of professional pilots are spot on and know exactly what they are doing. It can actually be quite enjoyable to work with a half-dozen aircraft that all respond immediately and correctly to every instruction.

Let’s get back on track and talk about flight planning. I’m not a pilot but I did some flight planning and navigation training in the Marine Corps. We spent about 80 hours in the air flying all over the country keeping track of everything from fuel to our exact location. We used a variety of tools including pen and paper, an antiquated calculation device we called a ‘whiz wheel’, TACANs, VOR/DME, INS(inertial navigation system), pressure, and celestial navigation. Yes, I have navigated on a moving aircraft going 400 knots with a flipping sextant sticking out of the top of the aircraft, taking three star, sun or moon readings at 4 minutes each and using an almanac to triangulate our position on a chart and then dead reckoning to adjust the heading. Our instructors had fancy hand held Global Positioning System (GPS) devices, which were new at the time, to check our work. Despite all the amazing technology of the 90’s, the one thing that kept us afloat were checklists. Yes, checklists. We had so many checklists that we had checklists for our checklists. I have heard that pilots use these things too.

I’m sure flight planning has changed quite a lot in the last 30 years, but who knows, in the tower we still have paper versions of everything. I would hope that you are plotting your route of flight on a valid up to date published chart or digital version. You want to know if you are creeping up on or going through a class B, C, or D airspace and who you should be talking to. You want to know about the artillery range that you’re flying right next to. You should be aware if you are on someone’s final or in their departure corridor. Know the new landmarks. Southern California changes relatively fast. That reservoir you used as a landmark 3 years ago might be a condo development and those smoke stacks on the shore that were such an eyesore have been torn down and if you forgot where they were, suddenly you’re careening into my departure corridor. Know the airport layout.

So you’re a little lost in the air, you call in 7 miles east when you are actually 5 miles due north and you are asking to land on a runway that doesn’t exist. We got you. Now we know you are new and will guide you in with caution (as soon as we verify you’re going to the correct airport.) Yes, people try to land at an uncontrolled airport 7 miles north of us all the time thinking it’s us. Sometimes they succeed. There are some funny stories there which I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to tell. Just make sure you are landing at the right airport or the runway might be half as long as you think it is, or even better your aircraft is surrounded by Marines with loaded rifles before you even get on the taxiway.

Awareness of your location is a key concept that deserves some more time. Again, more and more often aircraft seem to be flying through arrival and departure corridors without talking to anyone. Fairly often a slow mover (ie. Skyhawk, Cherokee or almost any single engine prop) will call up on a 10 mile final at 3500 feet asking for a straight-in to the runway, completely oblivious to the global express descending out of 6000 4 miles behind them. Or someone will be off shore in the departure corridor circling at 3000 feet ‘whale watching’ while departing jets are trying to climb through that altitude. Then there is the classic response when you tell certain pilots that what they are doing is not safe, it’s something to the effect of: ‘well we’re VFR and this is uncontrolled airspace so…’. I can’t help but think, who are they going to take with them on their flaming plummet with that attitude? It’s like walking through an active rifle range, having faith people will see you and stop firing, or maybe the big sky theory is going to save them. But then again, I suppose it’s job security.

So you’re on the ground, landed and safe. Wait, what’s a safety area? The safety area is a protected area on either side of the runway that needs to be kept clear in case an aircraft veers off the runway. Apparently this is not common at other airports but our runway safety area goes right up to the taxiway. Make sure you are up to speed on the runway and taxiway markings at the airport where you are landing. If you stop inside the safety area, air traffic control is not supposed to land or depart any airplanes on the runway. You can imagine how happy the bizjets are to be sent around because some cessna stopped just over the white line and is fishing for a ground frequency. Poof, 500 to 1000 dollars up in fumes depending on the type of jet and how far they have to fly to get back on final. All because someone didn’t scope out the airport they were flying into.

If you need help or don’t know where you are going, please say something. I know sometimes controllers can sound intimidating and impatient, and I suppose to a large extent we are, but it is our job to help you. If you need help, tell us. We can’t read your mind and when we’re busy we rely on the idea that pilots will do exactly what they are supposed to do in order to keep our plan in motion. If something disrupts the plan, then we adapt, but it’s more work and probably shortens our lifespans. If I tell you to follow the Mooney on a 3 mile final and you tell me you have traffic in sight, I’m not expecting you to follow the Centurion on a 1.5 mile final where your base turn tries to t-bone the Mooney. If you are not sure where your traffic is just tell us you’re still looking or ask us to call your base turn.

I notice more pilots who do not know basic instructions and terminology. I understand that companies want the ground school to be relatively easy because, well, more customers is more money, but maybe we can have a more comprehensive review at the end or something? We issued a go around once to a pilot who had no idea what we were talking about. After the resulting pilot deviation, they had to call on the phone and have us explain to them how to do a go-around. Seriously. More often I’m getting pilots who don’t know what ‘the option’ is. This is a clearance that means you can do a full stop, stop and go, touch and go, or low approach. I use this often because about one in five student pilots will go around anyway and about one in ten will do whatever they want regardless of what you tell them. I get it, they are training and nervous. If I clear them for the option, then I’m ready for any surprises. At least twice a week I hear something like ‘Ah, no tower we’re actually requesting a touch and go…’ and I have to explain how yep, that is part of the option.

Ok, that was a lot of ranting. To summarize, in order to help controllers more, pilots can plan better, listen carefully to the frequency, speak up if they are confused or not sure of something, and study hard before you get into that plane by yourself. I feel like somewhere in that sentence could be a basic mantra for living your life, but that’s a topic for another post.

Now that we’ve ragged on pilots for a while let’s talk about what controllers can do better. What? Controllers aren’t perfect? What blasphemy is this! It’s true though, we are all human and until that blessed day when our future AI overlords take our jobs too, you have to deal with us.

Controllers tend to talk fast. This happens to me fairly regularly. I get excited and start going full speed and about the third time I hear ‘say again?’ I realize it’s time to calm down, take a breath, slow my speech rate, and focus on proper enunciation. Some controllers never figure it out and they become more frustrated with the pilots’ lack of comprehension and compliance. It makes a long and frustrating career for those controllers. Controllers have hearing problems too. I know my baseline goes down every year and I have to keep turning the volume up loader. Between my poor ears and the number of foreign pilots training, one of my favorite phrases has become ‘Say Again?’.

Controllers can be mean. Most of us have large and strong egos because they need to be in order ro resist the pummeling they take on a regular basis. This is a good thing, trust me you want the controller who is excited and loud and confident over the one who is apathetic and uncaring. Unfortunately after enough time on our high pedestal we tend to look down upon the lesser mortals and might start spouting sarcasm. We can be condescending, passive aggressive and patronizing but will never curse at you, at least not on the recorded line. The vitriol slips out now and then, sometimes subtle, sometimes not so much. I think a lot of controllers could benefit from some basic customer service training.

Distractions are one of the safety concerns that we get educated on regularly. It can be anything from someone telling a joke in the background to a tour standing behind you asking questions that subconsciously competes for that limited attention span. Other issues include problems at home, family strife, sick loved ones, or money problems that cause your mind to drift and introduce more risk. These are all known issues that the Agency (FAA) is aware of and spends a ton of money trying to fix. We do have a lot of options that we can use to deal with our drama, but again our egos come into play and we think we are fine to be at work or we don’t want to let down our co-workers or we don’t have any time off left. I do have some strong opinions about these issues, but I’ll save that for another blog post, perhaps after retirement.

There is a lot more that can be improved upon by both sides. Some of the controller issues which I have not mentioned deserve several posts of their own or perhaps a small book to dive into, and I’m not ready to broach those areas yet. It eventually comes down to human beings being flawed and oh yeah, money. I want to give a shout out to all the people who work hard to keep our national airspace safe and efficient. There are some real heroes out there in my industry that work diligently despite the barriers of politics, short sighted hiring and antiquated training practices, to make sure aviators are safe and on time.

I would also like to thank bizjet and airline pilots for their professionalism and consistent desire for self and passenger preservation. We can’t see everything after all. I am humbled daily by all that you do. I would also like to give a shout out to all the pilot trainers out there. I can’t imagine the guts it takes to sit next to a student pilot and put your life in their hands. I think you’re all crazy. Amazing but crazy.

If I continue posts on this topic, I think I will focus on more instructional philosophy toward air traffic controllers. If there is any particular subject you would like me to go more in depth on, let me know and I will be sure to answer with my completely biased and somewhat professional opinion.

Driving

Photo by Tomáš Malík

There is a book called “Outliers” by Malcom Gladwell that talks about the qualities that distinguish some of the most successful people. One of the statistical properties they tend to have in common is more than 10,000 hours of time devoted to a particular skill set at a relatively young age. This gives them a huge advantage compared to their competitors. When I apply the 10,000 hour concept to myself I only have 2 skills that fall into that category; air traffic control, and driving. Air traffic because that has been my career and I have over 20 years of experience, and driving because I figure 500,000 gets me there, even at an average pace of 40 mph which I will take since most of my miles are highway miles.

I think a lot of people would say that driving does not count because once you get to a certain point you don’t really get better because you don’t push yourself to improve, unless you are a race car driver. In my opinion, however, almost ten years as a pizza delivery driver counts as striving for improvement. There are so many little tricks and techniques you learn when your income depends on the speed of your delivery, I could probably write a book about it. Most of these tricks are ones that everyone eventually picks up on like cutting through the gas station parking lot to avoid a backed up turn signal, using back roads instead of the main drag on a busy day, taking a turn from the outside lane so you can corner quicker or timing a cold red light by looking at the side lights so you can hit the intersection at speed instead of coming to a complete stop. These and many other less than legal techniques just sort of come naturally after driving in the same area for many years.

You may be thinking that my income can’t possibly depend on the speed of delivery. Well, look at it from the customer’s perspective.Very few people care that the store is backed up or a driver called out sick, and they are somehow surprised and disappointed when they order 10 large pizzas on a Saturday night and the manager says it will take 2 hours. Or worse the manager says it will take 40 minutes when it will actually take 2 hours. You personally may be pretty mellow about it, but for most people, when that pizza arrives an hour late and it is cold and congealed, it’s the driver’s fault and they will most likely withhold a tip. I have found that just a little extra speed is conducive to increasing the likelihood of getting the order to the customer before they reach the tipping point of rage and your tip goes from 5 dollars to non-existent. Customers get hangry and take it out on the drivers because that’s who they interact with. Anyway, I could go on but I will just complete this rant by cautioning fellow drivers and mentioning that obeying the traffic rules will statistically lead to a less stressful and longer career.

On to the good stuff. One of the more useful things I picked up from delivery driving is the way of the traffic light. I explained this piece of circular enlightenment to an audience when I interviewed for a 9-1-1 dispatcher job after being asked to explain how I used prioritization in my previous job. They were probably expecting me to talk about air traffic control because they knew that’s where I was coming from in the military. That would have been way too easy. So I explained how when I leave the store with six deliveries I take a good look at the map (yes this was before everyone had a smartphone), and plan out my route using a right circular pattern. Of course the known largest tipping customer is first unless they are too far out of the way(prioritization), and then the rest of the deliveries will be completed by sequential right turns that eventually take me back to the store. There are a lot more variables but you get the gist. The fact is that a left turn can take up to 3 minutes at any given traffic light, 4 left turns could put you 12 minutes behind and that’s assuming you don’t have to wait through several revolutions of that particular light. You gotta love the Southern California summer traffic. Most right turns only take 10-30 seconds. When I explained this to my interviewers, the dispatch manager, fire chief and police chief were slack jawed as if in appreciation of an almost spiritual revalation, or they just thought I was nuts. We can’t all just go code 3 and run the red lights while everyone moves out of the way. I guess they enjoyed my sermon though, because I got the job even though I couldn’t type very fast. So yeah, common sense for most delivery drivers, but not something other people think about. It’s become a habit at this point, I still use it when I’m running errands.

These days most of my driving is on the highway, about seventy miles a day on the I-5 between San Clemente and Carlsbad, California. For those of you that have driven in this area you know that there is an 18 mile stretch through Camp Pendleton that is a virtual American Autobahn. I generally set my cruise at 85 in the morning on the way to work and I routinely get passed like I’m standing still. I’m no stranger to the old triple digit road slalom, but it’s not something I recommend. I know it can be fun and you feel like you’re saving time, but the fact is, it creates unnecessary danger for you and everyone around you. As an older family man I am not nearly as comfortable driving fast anymore, I’m even less comfortable with other morons trying to drive fast around me. I suppose part of me realizes that I’m reaping the karma from formerly being the biggest a-hole on the road.

For the kids out there who are still in a hurry for no reason or just have an untamable competitive driving habit, here are some things to think about. Number one, if you get caught by the cops going fast enough, they can take your license, impound your car and send you to jail. Yup, just for speeding. Number two your tires are probably not meant to hold up at 120+ mph swerving back and forth across the hot pavement. I had a sports car once with tires rated for 140 mph. The tires cost 500 bucks a piece and wore out after 30,000 miles because I drove like an idiot. If you are young and stupid like most normal inexperienced drivers, chances are you can’t afford nice tires. Just envision to yourself what will happen when the tires on your 2008 Altima, that already have 80,000 miles on them, give out on you. Point number three is that when you have a blow out and lose control of your car or some other misfortune causes you to careen into the median or a semi truck at 100+ mph, you are probably going to die, or worse really wish you had. Yes, I would quite rather be dead than be that poor guy in the iconic Metallica music video “One”, thank you very much.

Another ethical chain of thought you might want to consider are the other drivers on the road. How bad would you feel if you were responsible for the death of a minivan full of kids because you just had to get home three minutes and twenty-five seconds sooner? I’m not saying you can’t drive relatively fast and be relatively safe, you just need to read the road so to speak. This goes for slow pokes as well. If you are driving 45 in the middle lane when the average traffic is going 70, you are now the obstacle and creating a danger to those around you. Please pull over to the side of the road and stop your car when you look at directions on your phone. Even better, wait until the next exit and get off and look at your phone in a parking lot. It’s a pain to get back up to highway speed and merge from the break-down lane.

Do you ever think about the psychology of other drivers or what sorts of things are statistically dangerous? I remember being a kid seeing all kinds of propaganda on how to be a safe driver. Remember the red asphalt videos? Do they still have those? After I became an adult those reminders seem to fade into the background. You would still see the occasional TV ad that warned about drinking and driving or the radio would reiterate the dangers of talking on your cell phone. I don’t know about you but I don’t watch TV with ads anymore and I am generally listening to Audible or Amazon Music when I drive, so again no reminders. Well there is the occasional accident on the side of the road that may serve as a wake up call, but how many of us drift into complacency more and more every day? Let me help you out by describing some signs that indicate you may be casually disregarding the significance of your life, the lives of your passengers and the other drivers around you.

Do you change lanes more than once every ten minutes? Lane changes are one of the leading causes of accidents in California. Try to pick a lane and stay there for the majority of your drive, even if it’s the fast lane. If people start passing on your right you might want to think about changing lanes so that you are not the obstruction. Do you ride in peoples’ blind spots? This means just sitting in the four or eight o’clock position of another vehicle where they can’t see you and matching their speed with no intent to pass. This always feels like an aggressive move to me. I feel like that person must know what they are doing and they are messing with me. It makes my hackles rise because I have seen how it plays out. Imagine you are so out of touch with your situational awareness that you are riding in the blind spot of someone who likes to change lanes every two minutes. Now your safety is dependent on that lane changer noticing that you are there. Combine that with how many people seem to slow down when they are changing lanes and the odds against you just pile up. Do you like to tailgate people to let them know they are slow and should move out of your way? Hmm, reflexes like a jedi, you must have. Plus when they brake check you and you rear end that slow poke, you are 100% at fault and up go your insurance rates. If you ride a motorcycle and you do dumb stuff you should understand that you are like 30 times more likely to come out of every bad situation worse than me, so good luck.

That all being said, I do tend to drive more aggressively than most people, though I tend to avoid all the above situations out of courtesy to my fellow drivers. I do not own a motorcycle. For you passive unaware drivers I also have some advice. The fast lane is not for long distance, it is for speed. Just because you have a 200 mile drive does not mean you should stay in the far left lane if you are diving 10 mph slower than everyone else. Forcing everyone to pass on the right is not cool. Also, if you suddenly decide you want to drive 67 mph and pass that car in front of you doing 65, you should look in your rear view mirror first and not cut off the car doing 90. Forcing someone to slam on their bakes just because you can is also not cool. Doing it because you did not even look for them is even worse. There will unfortunately always be those drivers out there that are blissfully unconcerned about the world around them and remain in their unbothered little world oblivious to the anger and discontent they may cause. They sadly do not realize how many mentally unstable people carry firearms in their vehicle and have nothing to lose.

So this post went longer than expected and definitely went away from the typical subjects I cling to. I expect to be doing this more often since it is easy and seems to satisfy some deep seeded need that I have. For that reason I will start a category called the Ravings of Mad Mike to segregate these rants from the more useful subjects. Please take everything I say in these rants with a grain of salt. These are my slightly biased, almost completely unresearched opinions and should not significantly affect how you live your life.